YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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