Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize