Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
