is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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