we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
