just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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