we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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