So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
