She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
