I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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