I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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