The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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