I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
