When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize