Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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