not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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