Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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