omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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