My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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