so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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