I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
