I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize