He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I could fuck to npr.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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