I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
