you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
