Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
