we have officially lost it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
