I skipped work to stalk him.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
