Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
