Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
