I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
