honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
