Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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