I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
