Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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