i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
