2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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