there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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