I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
