two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
