Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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