my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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