I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
