how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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