He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
