If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize