I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize