I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
