and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
