My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize