I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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