O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize