hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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