he wants to bone in the snuggie
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
