my sisters under your porch take her home
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
