I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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