Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
