he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize