matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
