if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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