Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
