I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize