I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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