life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
high people should be assigned attendants
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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