Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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