his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
