How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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