Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize