i may or may not be watching the land before time
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
