Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
