So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
