I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
