Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
