Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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