i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
