i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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