Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
