And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Slut skills are useful in every country.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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