But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
