my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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