She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
