U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
