I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Damn victory sex feels great
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
