You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
