Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
