I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize