the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
