why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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