we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
