Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
