I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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