The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
