I just threw up on my dentist
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize