You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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