Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
