Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
