hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
