dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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