she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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