I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
